A Very Special “Chauncey Chat”

Mat Minutiae is temporarily on hiatus while the show is re-tooled to conform to various and sundry changes requested by “Mr. Hicks.” In its place, Chauncey “The Gaudy” Fentura has recorded a special message via the “Chump Line.”

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Terribly troubled to hear that the head lynchpin Brittany Hurtz has cancelled Mat Minutiae because it doesn’t fit into his vision of what pro wrestling radio journalism should sound like, which — to the best of my knowledge and based on what I heard from his show upon three minutes of listening — is a wet-hot Saturday night chili dog fart mixed with 3-dollar Wal Mart wine.    

These bastards are out of control! These knuckle-draggers must be stopped before they run pro wrestling journalism right into the ground and turn wrestling fans into a legion of undersexxed, nasal basement dwellers with chards of BBQ ribs caked in their patchy beards; hopeless, unsatisfied and alone, praying for their Melina and Maryse posters that they have taped to their ceilings to fall onto their Spider Man sheeted beds in the middle of the night, which is sadly the closest they’ll ever come to a female in their lives.  

Point being this: We are on the precipice of an apocalypse.  Millions of Fenturions and Bassheads are asking — nay — DEMANDING that Mat Minutiae be restored.  Real wrestling fans need their oasis, and this maniac….this purveyor of superfluous programming thinks he knows a good show…HA….DOUBLE HA.  I’ve got my finger on the pulse and the Hacks method is a dying breed.  He claims to have never heard of me….that just proves he’s terminally square.  EVERYONE knows who I am….and if they don’t they surely will once the word is spoken!”