Browsing Posts in Mat Minutiae


It’s the season finale of Mat Minutiae, bitches. Worlds will live, worlds will die, and nothing will ever be the same!”

As you read this, you’re one click away from the star-studded, explosive season finale of Mat Minutiae featuring HUGE announcements from the illustrious Mike B. and his larger-than-life quasi-associate Chauncey “The Gaudy” Fentura. You’ll also swoon to the pear-shaped tones of The Voice of Choice and you’ll wretch and writhe with laughter at the irreverent mirth of Kevin McElvaney, known affectionately ‘round these parts as half of the talent behind the podcasting juggernaut known as “Bowling Shoe Handsome.” Will there be another season for the ever-lovin’ Double-M? Only Brady’s hairdresser knows for sure.

Mat Minutiae: It’s like a laxative for your brain.

 

Mat Minutiae is temporarily on hiatus while the show is re-tooled to conform to various and sundry changes requested by “Mr. Hicks.” In its place, Chauncey “The Gaudy” Fentura has recorded a special message via the “Chump Line.”

Terribly troubled to hear that the head lynchpin Brittany Hurtz has cancelled Mat Minutiae because it doesn’t fit into his vision of what pro wrestling radio journalism should sound like, which — to the best of my knowledge and based on what I heard from his show upon three minutes of listening — is a wet-hot Saturday night chili dog fart mixed with 3-dollar Wal Mart wine.    

These bastards are out of control! These knuckle-draggers must be stopped before they run pro wrestling journalism right into the ground and turn wrestling fans into a legion of undersexxed, nasal basement dwellers with chards of BBQ ribs caked in their patchy beards; hopeless, unsatisfied and alone, praying for their Melina and Maryse posters that they have taped to their ceilings to fall onto their Spider Man sheeted beds in the middle of the night, which is sadly the closest they’ll ever come to a female in their lives.  

Point being this: We are on the precipice of an apocalypse.  Millions of Fenturions and Bassheads are asking — nay — DEMANDING that Mat Minutiae be restored.  Real wrestling fans need their oasis, and this maniac….this purveyor of superfluous programming thinks he knows a good show…HA….DOUBLE HA.  I’ve got my finger on the pulse and the Hacks method is a dying breed.  He claims to have never heard of me….that just proves he’s terminally square.  EVERYONE knows who I am….and if they don’t they surely will once the word is spoken!”

Like a fish out of water, Mat Minutiae keeps flipping and flopping around, teetering on the very edge of oblivion. This week, Mike answers collective wailing and gnashing of teeth from the sexy beasts over at VoC Nation and he also rolls out a new campaign of his own entitled, “Get Bill Apter to Friend Mike Bessler on Facebook.”

Once again, Mike is joined by Chauncey “the Gaudy” Fentura by way of the Mat Minutiae Celebrity Hotline. All of this crap, plus noteworthy guest appearances by the likes of Mr. Akbaz and some cat who calls himself Brady Hicks will undoubtedly make this episode of Mat Minutiae one of the most eagerly anticipated pre-Chinese New Year extravaganzas in the history thebradyhicks.com.


And now a word from Chauncey….

“You tell old boy Brittany Hopps that if he needs a photo to prove Chauncey Fentura really exists, here’s a pic of me and my brothers (me in the middle with the sweet geetar, in our band The Fenturions.  This was our first album entitled Fenturadventureland  From left to right, Isaac, Gulliver, Cunningham (behind me), and of course, the lead singer and other guitarist, Bartholomew.  Dads (the legendary producer-writer-doctor-philosopher Josias Lemuel Fentura) was so proud.  Honest, the nerve of that festering dewberry to imply that I, the most interesting man on the web, needs a “picture” to prove my existence?  If he were here right now sharing my filtered air, I would be forced to launch some knuckles at his occipital lobe, or maybe even his larynx so we don’t have to listen to his nasally musings on pro wrestling anymore.”

“Do send me Bassler’s e-mail, since I’ve never seen to fit to actually ask him for it, so that I can link up to that crazy bastard, since I never think to ask for his contact info on the show….That would just be poor manners.”

This is it! The somewhat-anticipated return of Mat Minutiae — this time as a triple-length, 30+ minute tour de force — featuring a steaming hot mess of complaints, grievances and other associated nonsense along with special appearances by Mr. Akbaz, star of various and sundry podcasts on thebradyhicks.com, as well as Nemar “King Magnus” Wells, co-host of the celebrated VoC Nation radio show.

Additionally, the esteemed Chauncey “The Gaudy” Fentura enters the fray, offering his caustically irreverent musings on the state of pro wrestling and the quality of Internet-based wrestling-themed psudeojournalism. Is this the end of Mat Minutiae as we know it? Is this pulse-pounding episode the equivalent of a Nibiru-sized collision that’s ultimately destined to annihilate this award-nominated podcast? Listen and find out, bitches.

By the way, this episode is offered as an m4a, enhanced audio file that’s iPod compliant. So…you’re welcome.

Here ’tis after a murderously long three-week hiatus, it’s the brand freakin‘ new episode of Mat Minutiae! In this episode, Mike B. all kinds of self-indulgent rigmarole including the all new, senses-shattering Minutiae Syllable Whiskey Triple Threat Trivia Holiday Crap Contest Extravaganza. Also, Mike is joined on the celebrity hotline by someone with a name that sounds an awful lot like “Tevin Backilswainey.” Maybe. You’re just going to have to listen and figure it out for yourselves, okay?

By the way, post your answers to the trivia question in the comments section below. Really, act like you give a damn for once in your life and just do it.

Also, in case anyone is wondering, I’d really like to get a shot at the In Your Head Wrestling Prize Wheel this week.

Hot on the heels of the greatest “sixth episode anniversary special” in the history of thebradyhicks.com, this here’s the latest installment of the curious spectacle known to laypersons as Mat Minutiae. In this installment, Internet pseudojournalist Mike B — still basking in the glow of last episode’s symphony of awesomeness — offers a preview of POWW‘s upcoming WrestleRage IX event. He also rolls out a new mini-featurette called “Bootleg Shakedown,” spotlighting the collected matches of the Tommy Dreamer/Raven feud from the heyday of the original ECW. Somewhere along the way, Mike throws out mad props to the likes of In Your Head Wrestling, Mr. Akbaz, Sunday Morning Squash Match and others. Most importantly, Mike interviews Li’L Betsy Bruiser, the youngest female competitor in the history of professional wrestling. Yeah, no kidding.

 

Truth be told, it’s practically a crime that you get this much entertainment for free. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

This is it! The single biggest event in the history of the Mat Minutiae mini-podcast: It’s the landmark sixth episode of the show and a whole cavalcade of guests drop in to share the love. This episode features a chat with professional CM Punk Impersonator Bill Hooks as well as an uncensored visit with the creator, host and head writer for “Saturday Night Akbaz,” Mr. Akbaz! Brady Hicks checks in and shares some  special words of encouragement, reminding each and every one of us that he’s still the freakin’ man! Mike’s lovely wife also gets in on the action, offering her musings on what it’s like to be married to a real, live Internet sensation (namely, me). Miss this one and your grandchildren will hate you for it.

 

As an added bonus, the answer to the Mat Minutiae Sweepstakes-o-Rama Mania is revealed in this episode. If you’re one of those freaks who loves to spoil the surprise, have a look below at my meticulously crafted rendering of the mystery grappler. I actually bought my own box of crayons for this, people.

 

Hey hey! It’s the fifth installment of the biggest little podcast in the world of pro wrestling pseudojournalism! Inspired by In the Room’s recent live stream, Mat Minutiae goes “live” this episode and someone actually calls in on the MM Hotline. Can you really afford to miss this episode? The answer is a big, fat, unequivocal “NO.”

 

Mike Bessler is back with another installment of Mat Minutiae!  This time, Mike looks at the latest in WWE and TNA trading cards. Also, he shares updates on the state of his  contract negotiations with thebradyhicks.com as well some news on his search for a new sidekick.

Also, the show includes some info on a special new promotion called “Mat Minutiae SweepstakesMania-O-Rama!”

You’d have to be a real ass to pass this one up.  Seriously.

Mike Bessler returns with another great edition of Mat Minutiae.