Browsing Posts in Other Contributors

Hi I’m from WWE, and I’d like a minute of your time. Actually, I’d like between 510 and 690 minutes of your time depending on if this is a pay-per-view weekend or not. You see, we’ve added more programming to our already staggering air block—even though our entire experiment where we made Raw three hours long seems to be a miserable failure. Our ratings are slumping and we need eyeballs. So why not invest a little time in our product; you are a fan, aren’t you?

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An interesting conversation broke out on Twitter this Saturday night. In the midst of  UFC 152, people started talking about pay-per-view oversaturation. It’s not a problem unique to one promotion, and it’s not an opinion held by a scant few people. There has been a vocal contingent for years decrying the continued devaluing of pay-per-views as they appear more and more frequently. I’m among them, and I thanked those who started the conversation for proving I’m not alone or crazy–I’ve been saying this for years. This isn’t a column about UFC though; it’s a column about pro wrestling.

Criticisms of WWE come and go, and by and large they tend to fade over time and re-appear with astounding, clockwork like precision. Whether it’s the ability to develop talent, the PG or Not-So-PG nature of the content, selection of champions, or any of the other litany of grievances typically leveled against the premiere wrestling promotion on this planet, we tend to pick and choose which ones to focus on in an alternating rotation.

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Photo by WWE

Being Dolph Ziggler must be interesting.

On one hand, you’re constantly being featured against other current top of the card talents. You can read just about any wrestling publication in the world and see stories about how you’re an underutilized talent and that you’re one of the guys WWE needs to guarantee its future dominance. You are told you are world caliber talent, even though you once were part of the Spirit Squad.

These kinds of positive sentiments regarding Ziggler are espoused frequently and found everywhere. Some of them are even signed with my name.

However, on the other hand, if you’re Ziggy, you’ve had the Money in the Bank briefcase for months and been given precisely squat to do with it. You’ve never held the WWE Championship and your only World Heavyweight Championship reign lasted an underwhelming nine-ish minutes before dropping it right back to Edge in a title-switcharoo angle that made no sense to anybody *with* sense. You get prime slots on television, but let’s face it: When pay-per-view time rolls around, you’re going to lose.

Sometimes, in column writing, you’re better served beating around the bush a bit to draw readers in. Not today.

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Photo by Vogue Magazine

What is going on, Wrestling Fans!!!!

My name is Michael Sloman and I have been an avid WWE/F wrestling fan since I was nine years old. I’m 26 now and consider it to be one of my biggest passions in life.

I also am a spoken word poet/hip hop mc and writer since the age of thirteen, and for the past several years I have been writing songs and poems related to WWE stories and characters.  In fact, I have attached a song I wrote for John Cena called “Tribute to You” that I have attempted multiple times to get to Cena himself. I gave a copy of the song to Mick Foley two months ago at his comedy show in Scotia, NY, hoping that he would give the cd to Cena. Who knows if he ever did. I then tried WWE Music in NYC a ton of times, but I’m sure you can understand how difficult it is for  a no name with no inside connections to get a shot. Then this past Friday night, I gave a copy to Jerry the King Lawler at a Northeast Wrestling show in Poughkeepsie, NY. He said he’d give it to Cena, too, but again who really knows. If you are a Cena fan, I hope you can relate the sentiment the song conveys. If not, I understand too, and actually have a rap song for The Rock too called “Eyebrows to the Sky” which I’ll post at another time.

Along with all of the songs and poems I will be posting about WWE, I also write articles as well! I have a Master’s in creative writing from the College of Saint Rose in Albany, NY, and I’m looking forward to sharing my creative ideas with all of you! Big up to Brady Hicks for bring me on the site!
Michael Sloman


Hello Brady,

Guess what. There is no such thing as a coincidence. Not around here. The fact that John and I have been able to log in, while you were not. The fact that the beleaguered Mike Bessler had the antidote to the site’s “database” errors. The fact that some of the errors on the site were not unlike those perpetrated during your feud with Harry Barnett last year. Coincidences? No. Not even close.

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• 3 matches will be spotlighted every Sunday morning based on their nostalgic qualities, their in-ring performances, their campiness, and their performers’ contributions to today’s wrestling world.
• Not EVERY match will be a squash, but it’s always nice to see the fan favorite totally dominate.
• Main event of Squash Match Sunday will normally have a title on the line, and will ALWAYS be a quality wrestling match.

…Let’s get to the action!
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EARLY BIRD SPECIAL

Leading off Squash Match Sunday is one of the most hardcore legends in professional wrestling history, the Sandman, taking on….THE ZOMBIE?!?! Only in ECW *coughonSciFicough*!

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MID CARD HANGOVER

Disco Inferno squares off with Billy Kidman (c) for the WCW Cruiserweight Title in our Mid Card Hangover match of the morning. Is it me or is Kidman the ONLY wrestler who ever wore knee pads AND elbow pads?

Things to keep an eye/ear out for:

• It’s almost as if Tony and Bobby KNOW that people would be watching this match in the far future, so they need to hammer home that Disco Inferno is NOT a cruiserweight and is tired from trying to make weight for this match.
• Kidman’s finisher was a front flip senton called the “Seven Year Itch”. My point is…this &#$%^@$ was dating Torrie Wilson!!!

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YOUR MAIN EVENT OF THE MORNING

YOUR Main Event of the Morning was also YOUR main event at the very FIRST Wrestlemania as Mr. T and Hulk Hogan (with Superfly Jimmy Snuka) grapple with Rowdy Roddy Piper and “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndoff (with “Ace” Cowboy Bob Orton).

    Part One:

    Part Two:

Your main event worthy commentary of the afternoon:

• You might recognize those two bow-tied men in the ring prior to the start of the match: the FIRST WWF Intercontinental Champion Muhammad Ali and of course the greatest boxer of all time…Pat Patterson!
• It’s funny…I’ve solved many of my OWN problems in life by moving in time so Bob Orton nailed it with his surgical cast.
• I feel like “smark” wrestling fans can’t really say anything in terms of The Situation and Kevin Federline stepping into the squared circle…friggin Mr. T headlined Wrestlemania ONE!!!…at least he uses the tag rope…
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Well that about does it from my end, enjoy your Sunday afternoon!



• 3 matches will be spotlighted every Sunday morning based on their nostalgic qualities, their in-ring performances, their campiness, and their performers’ contributions to today’s wrestling world.
• Not EVERY match will be a squash, but it’s always nice to see the fan favorite totally dominate.
• Main event of Squash Match Sunday will normally have a title on the line, and will ALWAYS be a quality wrestling match.

…Let’s get to the action!
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EARLY BIRD SPECIAL

Let’s start off Squash Match Sunday with the most historic squash match in pro wrestling history. You know what I’m talking about…it’s the Fingerpoke of Doom! I apologize for the quality…and the video is kind of bad too.

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MID CARD HANGOVER

Jake “The Snake” Roberts takes on “The Model” Rick Martel in their infamous Blindford match at Wrestlemania VII. This match came about because Martel blinded Roberts with his big cologne sprayer. And no, that’s not what she said.

Things to keep an eye/ear out for:

• This is quite possibly the only tolerable Blindfold match. Honorable mention: Jamie Noble vs. Nidia in a Boyfriend vs. Girlfriend Blindfold match at No Way Out 2004.
• It’s funny to think of Jake Roberts as a fan favorite, as you can see when he’s using the crowd to help find Martel. You rarely see a face these days who are slow, methodical, soft-spoken and carries a large reptile.

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YOUR MAIN EVENT OF THE MORNING

TU evento principal de la noche…whoops…I mean YOUR Main Event of the Morning takes us to AAA Lucha Libre where a 19 year old Rey Mysterio Jr, Heavy Metal and Latin Lover take on Fuerza Guerrero, Madonna’s Boyfriend (Louie Spicolli) and Psychosis in an exciting six man tag team match to cap off your Sunday morning.

Your main event worthy commentary of the afternoon:

• Only Louie Spicolli would have the in-ring name of “Madonna’s Boyfriend”. RIP creator of the Spicolli Driver.
• WWE can learn a thing or two from this match. One of them being to have 2 overweight, suspender-wearing Mexican men as the referees.
• Be amazed at how young these guys are as well as the skill they’re showing off! Marvel at the most anti-climactic ending in pro wrestling history!
• Seriously, I miss WCW’s cruiserweight division so much. Do I mention that enough??

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Well that about does it from my end, enjoy your Sunday afternoon!

SQUASH MATCH SUNDAY

“Featuring wins as easy as Sunday morning”

Hey guys, so I’ve been insanely sick all week and haven’t had the brain power to pick and critique three matches so here’s the very FIRST Squash Match Sunday for your consideration!
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EARLY BIRD SPECIAL

 
Our first match features WWE Hall of Famers Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Sgt. Slaughter teaming up to take on the Beverly Brothers. No witty commentary needed for this match AND it will only waste 3 minutes of your time!

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MID CARD HANGOVER

Our mid card match showcases the cruiserweight division of WCW, where we have Jamie Noble squaring off against Jimmy Yang (both former members of the Yung Dragons). While this match isn’t technically considered a squash based on the equal amount of offense that both these men present in this match, the brief amount of time allotted for the match makes it more than a candidate for Squash Match Sunday.

Things to keep an eye/ear out for:
• A plug for WCW Backstage Assault, the widely panned Playstation game that tried to market off of the hardcore movement that was taking place around that time.
• The god awful WCW commentary team, especially the line “WOAH!!! HE’S PRETTY FLY FOR A WHITE GUY!!” uttered by Mark Madden (I believe). This phrase perfectly describes the vibe of WCW circa 2000.
• “LUGER’S UP TO SOMETHING!!!”
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YOUR MAIN EVENT OF THE MORNING

 
Our main event features Samoa Joe (who was riding his 18-month undefeated streak) and Mr. Wrestling Machine himself, Kurt Angle. This match was a HUGE deal back in 2006 regardless of brand loyalty or how often you watched TNA. Samoa Joe was on a mythical level at this point, and Kurt Angle was (at this point) the hottest free-agent acquisition in TNA history.

Part 1

Part 2

Your main event worthy commentary of the afternoon:

• Good to see that TNA pulled out all the stops by holding this classic main event in the hallowed halls of the Impact! Zone.

• Not sure why Jeremy Borash had to mention that he weighed Angle that morning. I like to think that Angle was weighed that morning by Borash before they went out to the Golden Eagle Diner to split a grapefruit and some whole wheat flapjacks.
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Well that about does it from my end, enjoy your Sunday and as Hacksaw Jim Duggan so eloquently says…..HOOOOOOO!

Photo by Jimmy Dylan

Credit story to Completely Damaged.

Hello again, Damaged fans! Today is Friday, February 3, 2012, and I am back with this week’s iMPACT Wrestling review. This week, TNA traveled across the pond to the UK for a world-wind tour that included two recordings of their Thursday night broadcast. The additions of Sting and Hulk Hogan were made for obvious reason, and clearly paid off. TNA packed out the Wembley Arena for what would become the largest crowd in their ten year history. Say what you want about iMPACT Wrestling folks. I’m about giving credit where it’s due. I’ve been saying for weeks that TNA has something to build on, and they continue to show it. However viewed, TNA is still our only nationally televised alternative to “The Machine”. Therefore, I continue to try to do my best to take as much out of it as I can. A hot crowd is so important…and we got that last night. UK fans have always been passionate about their wrestling. They were into it. For insiders and journalists, we got to see the company on a global stage. We always hear about TNA going on tour abroad…but now we got to see it. I hope we see more of it.

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• 3 matches will be spotlighted every Sunday morning based on their nostalgic qualities, their in-ring performances, their campiness, and their performers’ contributions to today’s wrestling world.
• Not EVERY match will be a squash, but it’s always nice to see the fan favorite totally dominate.
• Main event of Squash Match Sunday will normally have a title on the line, and will ALWAYS be a quality wrestling match.

…Let’s get to the action!
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EARLY BIRD SPECIAL

“The Juicer” Art Barr takes..on..uhh…what a creepy friggin’ gimmick. Watch some creeper in face paint run around with kids in face paint for your Early Bird Special.

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MID CARD HANGOVER

T.J. Perkins takes on Mr. “Desmond Wolfe” himself, Nigel McGuinness in the Mid Card Hangover match this morning. After all the booze you drank last night, I’m sure your head must feel like you just got hit with Nigel’s “Tower of London” finisher.

Things to keep an eye/ear out for:

• Every wrestler from here on out who is on the receiving end of a wristlock should exclaim “OIIII!” the way Nigel McGuinness does in this match.
• Seems like Perkins got caught in the air for a bit during that frog cross body splash. Because he’s very light, you see!

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YOUR MAIN EVENT OF THE MORNING

Lawrence Taylor and Bam Bam Bigelow headline your SUPER BOWL-themed Main Event of the Morning in a Lumberjack match at Wrestlemania XI. Look out for Steve “Mongo” McMichael as well as other former NFL players who are probably dead broke around now.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Your main event worthy commentary of the afternoon:

• Funny to see Pat Patterson as a ref, and Nikolai Volkoff as a guy at ringside with a cent sign on his shirt.
• Big props to Bam Bam for jobbing to an ex(?)coke addict…then again this IS the WWF in the 1990s.
• Please answer the following question in the comments below: Would you wear a WWF Lawrence Taylor jersey? I know it’s hard to imagine without the bike shorts but you KNOW that would strike up some interesting conversation!

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Well that about does it from my end, enjoy your Sunday afternoon!