WrestleMania Thoughts II: A Guest Perspective

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Ok, so having not followed wrestling regularly for quite some time, I look at the complete card for Wrestlemania and I scratch my head wondering who some of these people are. Fortunately not knowing something has never prevented me from having an opinion on it and as such here are my predictions.

The Undertaker vs. Triple H – I hate (OK, strongly dislike) The Undertaker. I can appreciate what he has done for wrestling but honestly the shtick is old. On the other hand I love Hunter and have been a long time fan of his. Does he have a chance at breaking the “streak”? Meh…  probably not but I’m going to pick him anyway because if there was anyone that I can see being allowed to do it, it is the boss’s son-in-law.

The Miz vs. John Cena – I don’t know who The Miz is and I don’t really care. Based on what I saw on RAW this past Monday night, this match is going to Cena so that The Rock can win the belt the next night. I would watch wrestling again if The Rock had the belt. Hell, I’d watch wrestling again if The Rock was just around on a regular basis.

Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio – Alberto Del Rio is another dude that I don’t know and once again I don’t care. The guy seems like a tool (like many current gen wrestlers) and I don’t like him. That said, I think Del Rio is going to win and Edge is going to sell it in superb fashion. I just hope they let Christian on the mic more, I love that guy.

Jerry “The King” Lawler vs. Michael Cole – Michael Cole is a joke. This whole announcer vs. announcer storyline is a joke. Lawler is going to romp Cole and maybe then they could get rid of him and dust off ‘ole J.R.

Randy Orton vs. CM Punk – I’ve heard of these dudes before. Wasn’t Randy Orton a cowboy at one point and CM Punk wasn’t he some homeless dude? Maybe I am thinking of two different wrestlers. Anyway the way I see it, the storyline is really setting up Orton to overcome incredible odds and win and since this is professional wrestling and not real life I think Orton will end up winning this.

Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan – If I hadn’t been told that Sheamus was the US Champion I would have thought these two were some sort of joke. I suppose with the information that I now have they aren’t but that won’t stop me from treating this match like a joke. I fully expect he of two first/last names to romp the She-man. And yes, I have no idea what I am talking about.

Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes – Is Cody Rhodes Dusty’s kid? If so I am going with him, you can’t bet against the American Dream. Or better yet, maybe he is related to Randy Rhodes and acts like a heavy metal version of the Honky Tonk Man. Either way I am picking Rhodes because the only thing worse than mask wearing freaks is old mask wearing freaks.

John Morrison, Trish Stratus & Snookie vs. Jack Swagger & LayCool – We get it, Snookie is a joke and a not so funny one at that. But LayCool? What the hell is that? It sounds ridiculous. Snookie wins this easily by just standing around looking like the rabid ewok that she is.

The Corre vs. The Big Show, Kane, Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov – Please tell me that this It’s a Small World Match takes place first because honestly I would rather take my chances in a cage with Snookie as opposed to watching this. If I have to make a pick on what looks to me the most boring, albeit ethnically diverse, match on the card I have to go with the team that can’t spell.

Kariyanine’s thoughts on movies, TV, video games, and so many other things can be found on his entertainment blog – kariyanine.com.

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